Sure, the thirdmercury retrograde of the year might be officially over, but the fact remains – messages from a former flame or a missed call from an old lover can pop up any time, any place. Happened to you and now wondering what to do when your ex texts you? You might be tempted to block their number or delete the message. But according to the experts, this might not be the best move.
Fun fact for you: this retrograde season, an ex came back into my life – quite literally – via a comment in an old shared iCloud album. (Friendly reminder to check who you’re still sharing an album with). I wasn’t sure how to react, so asked two of the best experts in the business to share their insight.
It’s a question we’ve all had to figure out at some point or even help a friend decipher. But what would a therapist recommend? First things first, Dixon reminds us that “every relationship and every break up is unique to us” – so how you cope with being contacted after the break up will be unique, too.
First – reflect on how the relationship ended
It’ll likely depend on how the break up went. Some breakups are very complex, with one or both parties ending up heartbroken, and some couples are able to break up amicably without any tears.
Everyone is different and there is no simple answer. So while your friend might welcome a call from their ex and be ready to reconnect, you might feel differently.
“There is a no one size fits all with how to handle communication with our exes. There are no rules, there is simply what works for us, there may be mistakes on the way but mistakes can offer us valuable learning,” shares Dixon. What works for you may not work for your friends, but the following steps will help you figure out what’s best for you and your circumstance.
Then, assess how you are feeling
Further, she believes that your body will normally indicate the right answer to you. “The truth lies within us and our bodies,” Dixon explains. She recommends pausing, breathing, and observing our emotions rather than reacting straight away.
As a therapist, Dixon suggests being curious as to how your body responds to the message as it can give a great deal of insight into what we need. “A self-scan on how our body feels is a good start,” she recommends. “Take a moment right now, to see if is there anger, sadness, joy, or all three emotions?”
This gives you more time, clarity, and insight, she shares, but most importantly, “more freedom to choose how you wish the relationship with your ex to be, and more freedom to communicate this with loving boundaries both for ourselves and others.”
Ask yourself: how does it serve you?
Being in contact with an ex can be a distressing time, that could bring up unwanted emotions or memories. “You can go into fight, flight, or freeze response,” shares the therapist. Learning how to identify these feelings as separate from yourself is a valuable tool for managing these kinds of situations.
Take the time to process your emotions and exactly what you are feeling. Ask yourself this: what do you actually want? You may want to get back with your ex, remain friends or never speak to them ever again. “Also remember that what you need at any certain point in time may change, so it’s up to you to communicate this and to create it,” Dixon reminds us.
Still not sure how to respond? Reflect with these five questions
Daly reckons the below five tips are the essential questions to ask yourself before taking any action.
1. Is it safe to reconnect?
This will likely depend on the reason you and your partner broke up and how it all happened. If the relationship was abusive, it is not safe to reconnect.
Daly warns, “if abuse was involved, ignore all communication and do not acknowledge receipt of it. Never reply by saying “I am not going to answer any further communication from you” or words to that effect, as you are starting a dialogue. Instead, simply do nothing and ignore it,” she advises.
Do: save the communication somewhere in case it’s required for the purposes of securing an injunction or non-molestation order, she goes on.
2. If it is safe, is reconnection welcome?
Next question: how did you first respond when the text came through? It’s useful to reflect on why you may have reacted in that way. If you were excited, nervous, or confused – why may that be? The main thing here is to think about it before you respond.
“Take a minute to think about whether you want to respond,” advises Daly. “Don’t just react to the message. Instead, think about any consequences of responding practically and emotionally. If you choose to connect, then respond rather than react. There is a difference between firing off a text you may regret and responding when you know how you feel.”
3. Do I know why my ex is reaching out?
Good question. You can’t mind read, but you can think about the timing. Is it late on a Friday night? Is a birthday or Christmas coming up? Or have you just announced a new relationship?
Daly’s advice is to adopt a business-like tone. “Keep it cautious and professional until you know why your ex is reaching out. Are they on the rebound? Are they offering friendship? The relationship you once had is no longer there and a little bit of professional distance can be a really good place to start.”
4. Are you willing to tell your new partner your ex has reached out?
This one’s important. If you are in a new relationship, do mention early on that your ex has reached out.
Why? “As it’s important not to keep secrets,” shares Daly. “It erodes trust. If you feel that you don’t want to tell your new partner, then address why. It could mean that you have unresolved feelings about your ex, which might mean the message is best to ignore.”
5. Do you want to rekindle?
The biggest question of them all. Do you want to get back together? If you don’t know the answer to this one, Daly suggests thinking about the reasons why the relationship ended before, perhaps even writing them all down. Then, reflect on if anything has really changed.
“Will the same issues still arise? Do you know what you are looking for in a relationship and can this person match that?,” she guides.
Including the one concealer that team Marie Claire UK can't live without...
Today is the day. If you haven’t heard, Sephora has just launched in the UK, and we’ve been saving up our pennies in order to shop the best products available.
There are so many incredible brands on offer, including Tarte Cosmetics, ILIA, Fenty Beauty, Gisou, Rose Inc and more. Oh, and you can also shop their beauty advent calendars. Christmas really has come early.
Here at Marie Claire UK, we are always sharing our top product recommendations with you, so we thought it was only right that we let you know what we are adding to our baskets from the Sephora website.
Keep on scrolling to find out all about the team’s favourite Sephora products, and get ready to shop. Trust us, you’re going to love all of these…
Shannon Lawlor, Senior Beauty Editor:
Rose Inc Cream Blush Cheek & Lip Color, £23 | Sephora As a self-confessed lazy girl, I’m always looking for multi-use makeup products that leave my face looking fresh and alive in record timing—and this is one of the best for the job. A hydrating, balmy cream with a water-colour like finish, it leaves cheeks looking plump and radiant with a subtle flush of colour. Just swirl your fingers into the compact, dab onto the apples of your cheeks and swipe any remnants over lips—application takes approximately two seconds.
ILIA Super Serum Skin Tint SPF 30, £46 | Sephora I’ll admit, I’m not much of a foundation wearer. More often than not I’ll scribble some concealer under my eyes, brush up my brows, apply some blush and call it a day. However, this product is enough to shake up my routine. It was one of the first skincare-infused tints to hit the market (way before the current craze), and it’s jam-packed with a load of nourishing skincare ingredients to leave skin glowing, even in tone and to appear as though you’re not wearing a base at all. Up until now it’s been tricky to get your hands on in the UK, but it’s been a bestseller in the States for years.
Skinfix Barrier+ Triple Lipid-Peptide Cream, £52 | Sephora I have painfully expensive taste when it comes to skincare, and I’m always looking for more affordable options. While £52 certainly isn’t cheap for a moisturiser, it’s significantly less than the £130 price tag of my current go-to. Some of my beauty-editor friends on the other side of the pond assure me that this nourishing, plumping, barrier-repairing face cream will give very similar results to my super-luxe moisturiser du jour, so it’s going straight in my basket.
Tarte Shape Tape Contour Concealer, £27 | Sephora I just know that this concealer will sit at the top of most beauty expert’s Sephora shopping lists (mine included). It is, without doubt, one of the most iconic, well-loved and best products at Sephora. Formulated with hydrating butters, it delivers a coverage so high and convincing that you’ll never want to be without it again—my dark circles certainly don’t.
JVN Hair Complete Instant Recovery Serum, £44 | Sephora I truly believe that this hair serum is perfect for everyone. While my hair is long, fine and straight, one of my close friends has tight coils and swears by it every bit as much as I do. Containing a hydrating and strengthening hemisqualane, working a small amount through ends after washing will leave your lengths softer, silkier and truly fortified.
SEPHORA COLLECTION Color Hit Nail Polish, £3.99 | Sephora Whenever I go abroad, I find myself picking up one of these affordable nail polishes in Sephora and now there’s no need to get on a plane for them. Given the price, they are impressively easy to apply and are particularly resistant to chipping. This natural-pink hue is definitely next to be added to my collection.
Tarte Shape Tape Contour Concealer, £27 | Sephora
If it wasn’t obvious by now, we all really love this concealer. I’ve tried so many different concealers on the market, and what I like most about this one is that it’s super easy to blend and looks super smooth on the skin. No cakey under eyes over here.
Pat McGrath Labs Skin Fetish Sublime Perfection Foundation, £60 | Sephora
Oh Pat McGrath, can you do no wrong? This is one of my go-to foundations thanks to the luminous finish. Don’t be fooled though, as it still offers some serious coverage, but keeps your skin looking like, well, skin. It is on the more expensive side, but a little bit goes a long way.
REFY Brow Sculpt, £16 | Sephora
I had no idea that REFY would be available at Sephora, but I couldn’t be happier about it. Of course I will be stocking up on the Brow Sculpt for that laminated brow look. The formula is somewhere between a wax and a gel, making it easy to apply but meaning your eyebrows will stay in place all day long.
Gisou Honey Infused Hair Oil, £35 | Sephora
I have been desperate to try this multipurpose hair oil from Gisou, and now seems like the perfect time to invest. The honey-enriched formula nourishes hair, repairs damaged locks, tames frizz and adds a silky shine. Plus, the bottle will look beautiful displayed on your dressing table. What more could you want?
Fenty Beauty Gloss Bomb Heat Universal Lip Luminizer & Plumper, £20 | Sephora
What’s better than lip gloss? A plumping lip gloss. I love the Fenty Beauty one in the shade ‘Lemon Lava’ for a more natural look (I’m not really a bold lipstick kind of girl). Be warned, this product does leave a warm, tingling sensation on your lips, so don’t apply too much!
It was the finale that launched a thousand Instagram stories: Bella Hadid standing statuesque on stage at Coperni, while two people with spray cans painted a dress onto her body. Miraculously, within moments the spray turned into fabric, allowing Bella to glide off the catwalk, triumphant in staging one of the most memorable fashion show finales in some time.
Between that viral Coperni moment and turns at Versace, Tom Ford, Burberry and more, there is no denying that Bella Hadid has had an extremely successful fashion season. Walking a grand total of 19 shows, Hadid has been heralded as the new queen of the catwalk, earning her place as an emerging supermodel one step at a time.
On TikTok fans are claiming her dedication is unmatched, sighting Bella as the “hardest working model” in the industry. However, while Bella might be the one we’re seeing most across social media (the spray-on dress moment garnered 6.9 million views on Coperni’s post alone) there are other models who are racking up even higher step counts.
Throughout fashion month, Bella Hadid appeared in 19 shows, yet some of the other top models in the industry walked upwards of 30. According to Models.com, Venezuelan beauty América González was the most utilised model this season walking a total of 36 shows, while Sherry Shi was a close second, walking 35. Rachel Marx and Sacha Quenby each took to the catwalk a total of 33 times, and Alaato Jazyper appeared in 31 shows.
It is quite the feat when you think about the fact that fashion month takes place across four different cities, with each show occurring in a completely different location. Plus there can be hours of pre-show hair and makeup involved, as well.
While we certainly don’t want to take anything away from Bella Hadid (she has undoubtedly worked this season) the models below deserve just as much admiration. Keep scrolling to see the eight models who walked in the most shows this fashion month.
Models who walked in the most shows during Spring/Summer 2023 fashion month:
