AI Knows All Our Relationship Problems. Is That an Issue?

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My group chat has a new member. It doesn’t send memes, it never leaves me on read, and it’s always available at 2am. It also remembers what I told it last week and checks in on how I’m feeling. The problem is, it’s Claude.

Whether it’s which hotel to book or why your friend isn’t talking to you, “Have you asked ChatGPT or Claude?” has become the new “Google it”. While the former makes sense, I’ve always felt uncomfortable about discussing relationship problems with AI. When we start taking our heartbreak, arguments and insecurities to a chatbot instead of each other, what happens to the messy human work of actually relating to people?

I’m a huge advocate of therapy. I’ve been going on and off for 10 years. So when a friend told me over dinner that she’d been working through her feelings using Claude, I shuddered in my seat. There was no way, I thought, a machine could help. Until, of course, it did.

It became frighteningly clear that AI can and will cosplay as a friend, dressed in my therapist’s language, if I allow it to.

One afternoon, I was struggling to get over a short fling after a series of mixed signals, and I was too embarrassed to tell my friends that I couldn’t decipher what he meant versus what he was saying. It felt a bit juvenile not being able to work it out alone, but I was newly single and navigating unchartered territory. I knew if I rang my girlfriends they’d just affirm my reasoning, so in a moment of need, I turned to Claude. Thirty minutes later, I realised my gut had been right all along: he was saying all the right things but wasn’t really doing them. After that day, I never spoke to him again. I didn’t need to. Claude had given me the reassurance I’d been avoiding from my friends, without the embarrassment of asking.

But something also happened during our ‘conversation’ that stayed with me. Claude asked: “How are you doing with it today though, is the unease from that night still sitting with you, or is talking it through helping it settle?” It was exactly what a friend would ask. Suddenly, it became frighteningly clear that AI can and will cosplay as a friend, dressed in my therapist’s language, if I allow it to. I also learnt that the way I framed my questions could influence whether Claude challenged my thinking or reinforced it. If I’m honest, I wanted it to tell me I was right, and it did.

ChatGPT can prepare you for the person you hope you’re talking to, but not necessarily the person actually in front of you.

A friend of mine had a very different experience. She’d been trying to raise the subject of race with her then-partner, but was worried about how he’d react, so she turned to ChatGPT first. It suggested a calm, careful approach that seemed to assume he’d meet her with empathy and emotional maturity. But when she finally raised the subject in person, using the language ChatGPT had suggested, he became defensive, just as she’d feared.

“ChatGPT gave me an approach that would probably have been the outcome if I was speaking to someone who was perfectly emotionally intelligent and healed,” she said, “but that wasn’t the reality of my situation.” ChatGPT can prepare you for the person you hope you’re talking to, but not necessarily the person actually in front of you.

Sarah, 34, told me she uses AI to navigate conversations with her neurodivergent partner. “I’m really emotionally charged, whereas he is all about logic,” she said. “Sometimes I ask ChatGPT for advice on how to communicate with him better.” It’s been both a help and a hindrance. “Sometimes it makes me second-guess how I communicate with him on my own,” she says. But she credits it with helping her understand his perspective: “I’ll pass a text message through it before sending it to him”. Sarah’s example illustrates why using AI is a double-edged sword. While it’s helped her communicate with her partner, it’s also made her doubt her own voice.

For some couples, it goes even further. Liban, 32, was mid-argument with his girlfriend when she stopped and checked her phone. “I thought she’d got an important message,” he said. “Turns out she was asking ChatGPT about our argument.” She looked up minutes later and said: “ChatGPT says you’re right, so I’m sorry.” The relationship ended not long after. “I wouldn’t say that specific issue caused the breakup,” he told me. “But it was yet another example of feeling like my opinion and perspective weren’t welcome, which was a reason we broke up.”

Are We Outsourcing Our Emotional Resilience to AI?

And it’s not just relationships. When I asked my Instagram followers how they are using AI, my DMs were flooded with all sorts of reasons: deciding what to wear, talking themselves round on a bad body day, preparing to be taken seriously by their doctor, and many more. A few said they’d used it to diagnose themselves medically. AI, it seems, is a friend, a stylist and a doctor, all in one chat window.

AI can clearly be useful, whether that’s understanding a partner better or just checking that you aren’t going crazy. But what does relying on it mean for our ability to communicate and navigate relationships in real life? Psychotherapist Stina Sanders, to my surprise, isn’t against it. “As a therapist, I’m actually very pro-AI,” she says. “I think it can be an incredibly useful tool, particularly between therapy sessions, when someone needs help reflecting on their thoughts, understanding their emotions or putting something into perspective.”

However, because AI only knows what we tell it, it tends to agree with us. “Depending on how we frame a situation, it can reinforce our existing interpretation rather than challenge it,” she warns. “We risk walking away feeling validated without necessarily being any more self-aware.”

There’s something psychologically important about learning to tolerate uncertainty,

Stina Sanders

Sanders also points to the importance of learning to live with doubt. “There’s something psychologically important about learning to tolerate uncertainty,” she says. “Not knowing where we stand with someone, sitting with uncomfortable feelings or having a difficult conversation are all part of developing emotional resilience. If we’re constantly looking to AI to remove that discomfort, we may never develop the skills to navigate it independently. And without discomfort, reflection and uncertainty, there’s often very little opportunity for personal growth.”

Over time, I’ve started to notice the difference between feeling understood and actually being understood. AI can make me feel understood in 30 minutes, but my therapist has spent years understanding me, and my friends have spent even longer. AI can sit with me at 2am, but it can’t know me. Maybe that’s the real reason we’re turning to it. Not because it understands us better, but because it’s easier than letting someone who actually knows us see the unfiltered, raw side of ourselves.

I have no doubt AI has its place. But I don’t want to outsource the experience of getting things wrong, or lose the ability to say what I really think. And honestly, if we aren’t careful, we might all end up talking like chatbots ourselves, em dashes and all. So maybe next time, before you log in for some advice, ask yourself: Can I take this one to the group chat? The other one. The one Claude and ChatGPT don’t know about.

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The Surprisingly Simple 2-Minute Trick That May Help Your Body Shift Into ‘Rest Mode’

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What if I told you that the person humming behind you on the morning commute might actually be doing themselves a world of good? Admittedly, it's a bold claim when you’re running late, overstimulated and headphone-less, with someone else’s questionable rendition of a pop classic providing the soundtrack to your morning. But if we’re constantly seeking silence to escape the noise of modern life, what if the answer to feeling calmer was to make a little noise of our own?

Humming might be finding fresh favour as a wellness technique, but its roots stretch back centuries. Known as Bhramari Pranayama, or “Bee Breath”, in yoga, it has roots in ancient Indian traditions. Researchers are now exploring its potential physiological benefits, including whether it could help manage stress. In a small 2023 study of 23 participants, researchers found an association between humming and a lower physiological stress index - an early hint that this simple act could have interesting effects on the body. It’s enough to make you wonder whether that absent-minded little hum could be doing more for us than we realise.

As someone perpetually on the hunt for low-effort ways to take the edge off everyday stress (because, frankly, none of us needs another elaborate wellness ritual on an already overstuffed to-do list), I was keen to try it myself. Could something as simple as humming on an exhale help nudge my mind into “rest mode”? And would two minutes of making a noise usually reserved for supermarket aisles and half-remembered pop songs actually make a difference?

I decided to put humming breathing to the test to see whether this humble little hum deserves a place in my stress-relief toolkit—or whether some sounds are better left on the morning commute.

Meet the Simple 2-Minute Trick That's Shifted My Body Into Rest Mode

What Is Humming Breathing—and How Do You Do It?

Humming breathing is exactly what it sounds like: humming as you breathe out, turning an everyday habit into a simple, intentional breathing practice. The idea is blissfully simple in its mechanics: slow things down, focus on your breath and notice the gentle vibration of the hum.

Breathwork coach Ramon Ghosh explains that the potential benefits are both physiological and psychological; “slowing the breath may influence heart-rate patterns associated with relaxation, while focusing on the hum itself gives your mind something simple to tune into.”

Ghosh's Tips for Practising Humming Breathing:

• Get comfortable. First, you’ll need to sit or stand in a relaxed position, keeping your spine relatively straight and your head level.
• Breathe in gently. Next up: Inhale through your nose at a natural, comfortable pace. There's no need to take an exaggeratedly deep breath.
• Hum as you breathe out. Afterwards, make sure your lips are gently closed and exhale slowly through your nose while making a soft, steady humming sound.
• Let your exhale lengthen naturally. When exhaling, aim for a slightly longer out-breath than in-breath, but don't force it or strain to sustain the hum.
• Notice the vibrations. You may feel a gentle buzzing sensation around your lips, throat, face or chest. Stay aware and notice whatever feels comfortable for you.
• Repeat for two to three minutes. Keep your breathing easy and unforced. Remember to stop if you feel dizzy, breathless or uncomfortable.

If you’re a beginner (as I was), Ghosh recommends starting with just one minute and building up gradually if it feels comfortable. “There's no need to master a particular rhythm or produce the perfect hum; experiment until you find a pace and sound that feels natural.” His advice is to keep it comfortable, too: the aim is to feel more at ease, not to push through discomfort.

@gabbybernsteinofficial

Your nervous system responds to sound. In this clip I share a simple humming technique that stimulates the vagus nerve and helps your body shift out of stress and into calm. To watch the full episode go to YouTube and search 'Gabby Bernstein Nervous System'

♬ original sound - Gabby Bernstein

Can Humming Really Help Calm Your Nervous System? What The Science Says

Think of the last time you were running late and got stuck in traffic. Someone cuts in front of you; your shoulders tense and your heart starts racing. Or perhaps you’re about to give a big presentation, and your brain has already catastrophised every possible outcome. Sound familiar?

“These are familiar physical responses to pressure,” explains breathwork coach Thomas Hague. “When we're stressed, our breathing often becomes quicker, shallower and less regular. Humming breathing encourages us to slow things down, lengthen the exhale and regain a little control over our breathing.”

One of humming breathing’s biggest draws is its potential to help the body find a calmer gear. “By slowing your breathing and lengthening the exhale, you may be able to influence how your heart and nervous system respond to stress,” Hague explains. “This can affect respiratory sinus arrhythmia (RSA) - the natural changes in heart rate as you breathe - and heart rate variability (HRV), which measures the time between heartbeats. Both can offer clues about how your body is responding to stress and relaxation.”

There’s a psychological element at play, too. “The brain is always spying on the breath,” says Hague. “By slowing your breathing and focusing on the gentle hum, you give your mind something simple to tune into, which may help signal to your body that it’s safe to relax.”

The vagus nerve also has a part to play. As a key pathway in the parasympathetic nervous system, it helps the body shift out of stress mode and into rest and digestion. While humming doesn't simply switch it on, Ghosh explains that the “slower, extended exhale may influence vagal activity, helping the body settle and encouraging a feeling of calm.”

Ghosh also finds the physical sensation of humming useful, sometimes placing a hand over his chest to notice the vibrations. “The combination of a slower breath, bodily awareness and a focus on the present may help create a feeling of relaxation. However, while slow breathing can influence heart-rate patterns, evidence that humming's vibrations directly stimulate the vagus nerve or produce a reliable stress-reducing effect remains limited. It's a promising possibility, rather than a physiological switch we can confidently say humming flips,” he says.

@livableway

♬ original sound - livableway

Two Minutes: Can It Really Make a Difference?

So, can just two minutes make a measurable difference? Yes, but it’s a work in progress. “There isn’t yet strong objective evidence that two minutes of humming specifically produces a reliable or lasting reduction in stress,” says Ghosh. He points to a study from 2021, involving 70 people, that found that just five minutes of humming breathing improved certain measures of HRV. “These changes are consistent with increased parasympathetic activity, which is associated with rest and recovery,” he says.

“However, I’ve seen extended exhales and humming work to relax hundreds of clients I’ve worked with. The key thing to remember here is that the response to breathing techniques is very individual, linked to several variables - gender, age, personal history, to name a few - so you need to find something that works for you.”

@cesca.dinardo

♬ Love You - David Souza Guitar & Ted D'souza & ChillØut & Dani Audiomix

Putting it into Practice: The 2-Minute Impact Reset

Of everything I took away from trying this technique, one thought stuck with me. As Hague puts it so beautifully: “What I love about breathing. It's always available to us. We just need to learn how to use it.”

And it got me thinking: we learn how to use our phones, fitness trackers and all manner of wellness gadgets to help us switch off. But in the hunt for an external “rest and reset” button, have we overlooked the one thing we carry with us everywhere? Our breath.

Naturally, I waited for the perfect moment to try it. A Monday morning. An inbox multiplying by the minute. A delayed train. And my face wedged firmly into a stranger's rucksack on a packed Thursday afternoon train.

I gave myself two minutes, gently inhaling through my nose and humming on each exhale. At first, I felt a little ridiculous (there’s only so long you can make a bee-like noise before questioning your life choices). But once I stopped worrying about getting it right, I found something surprisingly comforting in the steady rhythm of my breath and the gentle vibrations of the hum.

After years of interviewing leading experts, I’ve learnt that the simplest techniques can feel a little strange at first. Perhaps that’s part of the point: stepping out of autopilot, if only for a moment, and giving your mind (and your nervous system) permission to focus on something other than the noise of everyday life: a tiny switch from doing to simply being.

What I will say is this: Did two minutes transform me into a picture of unshakeable serenity? Not quite. But I think that’s the point. Humming isn’t a magic fix for stress, and we still need more evidence to know whether it offers benefits beyond slow breathing alone. But it’s free, accessible and requires absolutely no kit. In a world forever selling us new ways to feel better, there’s something rather lovely about starting with a tool we’ve had all along.

If two minutes of humming helps you slow down and reconnect with your breath, it may be worth a try. Let’s perhaps save the full performance for somewhere other than the morning commute.

Need a moment? Shop MC UK's edit of feel-good essentials

Free People Victory Set

Who’d have guessed it? Sometimes the hardest part of hitting the “rest” button is actually permitting yourself to do it. Free People’s Victory set is something I reach for when I want to convince my mind that it’s time to slow down, from rolling out the yoga mat, taking a gentle stretch or simply carving out a little breathing room in my day. Consider this set a small nudge to swap rushing around for a moment of calm.

Diptyque Classic Candle Vanille Scented Candle

If there’s one thing that makes me feel like I’m properly clocking off, it’s lighting a luxurious candle, and my choice will always be Diptyque. I’d light this, put my phone firmly out of reach and take a few mindful breaths, permitting myself to do absolutely nothing for a change. Sometimes, a little atmosphere is all the encouragement I need to slow down.

Alo Yoga Hazy Mock Neck Pullover

When DND is on, you’ll find me reaching for an oversized jumper, popping the kettle on and making myself blissfully unavailable for a while. ALO Yoga’s Hazy Mock Neck Pullover is just the sort of thing I want to be wearing: soft, relaxed and still utterly polished. Switching off starts with getting comfortable - and that is a hill I’m willing to die on.

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Fashion Has Officially Escaped to the Country—From Kilts to Coats, These Are the Brands We’re Wearing

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Land Rovers at the ready: we’re heading to the Great British countryside and so too, it seems, is an impressive number of luxury labels, with Countryfile a clear source of inspiration across the Autumn/Winter 26 runways and campaigns. We called it early in our Autumn/Winter 26 trend report, “clothes made to be worn in a green and pleasant land are what’s in season”. For proof, just look to the houndstooth and horse motifs at Chloé, or the dark florals and Fair Isle at Dries Van Noten, clashing checks at Marni and argyle prints at Acne Studios.

Of course, you can’t mention the British countryside without Burberry: trench coats and plaid aplenty. Nor can you traipse into the realm of field-ready fashion without mentioning the T-word: The Traitors, which may have now departed our screens, but leaves behind hours of Highlands style inspiration. Claudia Winkleman and her stylist, Sinead McKeefry, brought a punk twist to classic countryside looks for this series, creating sellouts in their wake. Just ask knitwear designer Genevieve Sweeney.

(Image credit: BBC/Marie Claire)

It even seems as if sleek, workplace-positioned brands have muddied their boots, heading out into the great outdoors in search of trees, fields and pubs to shoot their Autumn/Winter campaign imagery. Reiss, TWP and With Nothing Underneath, here’s looking at you.

(Image credit: With Nothing Underneath)

The question is, why this sudden escape to the country? The words of Dr Carolyn Mair, a cognitive psychologist, fashion business consultant and author of The Psychology Of Fashion, in my deep dive into the rise of fruit and veg fashion last year seem to still ring true. “In times of economic uncertainty or social upheaval, there is a tendency to return to the basics, to celebrate the simple joys and essentials of life.”

(Image credit: Barbour )

Walking through fields, breathing in fresh air, wrapping up warm against the winter chill and trudging through woodland certainly tick all the boxes for life’s simple pleasures. Plus, the countryside comes with a rich aesthetic to boot, bursting with heritage prints, deep yet vibrant colour palettes and textures that bring extra interest to every look. The appeal for a creative director is near-irresistible particularly when interest in locally made products, heritage crafts and British-based labels continues to grow.

From the brands that are only just catching on to the countryside trend to those that have long been our go-to for heritage prints, stylish outerwear and homespun knits, here are our favourites.

Country-Life Labels Leading The Charge

ME+EM

ME+EM may have made a name for itself as the go-to for polished, everyday workwear staples, but it has increasingly become a favourite for off-duty pieces, too. Founder Clare Hornby is turning her attention to weekends, with highlights including the Pub jacket, brushed cashmere knits and flecked wool trousers.

ME+EM

Pub Jacket

ME+EM

Argyle Relaxed Jumper

ME+EM

Icon Trouser

Boden

British label Boden, goes from strength to strength this season with a collection featuring heritage checks, argyle knits with jewel-tone accents. This shearling-style coat and diamond knit are standouts.

Boden

Teddy Fur Mix Coat-Bitter Chocolate

Boden

Marta Longline Merino Jumper

Boden

Tartan Column Wrap Skirt

Barbour

Founded in South Shields in 1894, Barbour is a staple of British countryside life, though you’re just as likely to see one roaming the streets of London as you are traversing a field. Claudia Winkleman has been spied in a few iterations of the iconic wax jacket on Traitors , the most recent being this deep-pocket Marron style.

Barbour

Black Elva Waxed Trench Coat

Barbour

Cottingham Waxed Jacket

Barbour

X Farm Rio Angelina Waxed Jacked

Brora

Brora Founder Victoria Stapleton began her fashion career in the tweed mill Hunters of Brora, transforming her love for heritage craft into a fully fledged business. Winkleman wore the new season wool bomber.

Brora

Cashmere Ribbed Hooded Scarf

Brora

Harris Tweed Swing Coat

Brora

The Brown Wool Bomber Jacket

Le Kilt

If you find the countryside aesthetic a bit twee, try Le Kilt, where the classic element of Scottish dress feels completely contemporary. Founder Sam McCoach’s grandmother Lena was a kilt-maker herself, and each piece is still made by craftspeople up in Scotland.

Le Kilt

Midi Kilt Heath Charcoal

Le Kilt

New Mix & Match Kilt

Le Kilt

Midi Kilt Violet Bouclé

Burberry

Now, Burberry needs little introduction, having been a British staple brand since 1856, but the brand has come a long a long way since the days of the 1912 Tielocken coat, the ancestor of the present day Burberry trench coat. The recent use of muted shades of toffee and tobacco has brought a softer take on the house’s heritage check.

Burberry

Burberry Check Wool Miniskirt

Burberry

Burberry Check Cashmere Cardigan

Burberry

Check Vanity Bag in Chocolate Brown

Sézane

Sézane continues to grow its loyal following, despite a recent shift in brand strategy. Few brands can rival its outerwear–cosy knits, leather trousers and skirts that nail the upscale-yet-cosy brief.

Sézane

Marcel coat

Sézane

Laure skirt

Sézane

Alexandre jumper

Herd

Few people know more about wool than Herd founder Ruth Alice Rands, who sources 100% Bluefaced Leicester fleeces directly from farmers. Claudia Winkleman often wears the gloves and wrist warmers..

HERD

Fleetwood Jumper in Plum With Loam & Ecru

HERD

Gretna Wool Check Cardigan

HERD

Fleetwood Cardigan in Ecru

Dries Van Noten

Granted, Dries Van Noten is far from your typical British countryside label, but the brand has gone so deep into heritage print, knit and pattern territory, that it deserves a special mention. Especially considering the styling here is bursting with welly-free inspiration.

Dries Van Noten

Checked Double-Breasted Wool Coat

Dries Van Noten

Jacquard Cashmere and Wool Vest

Dries Van Noten

Brown Leather Biker Boots

&Daughter

Luxury knitwear label &Daughter was founded by former PR Buffy Reid and her father, Columba, in 2013. Combining traditional Scottish and Irish knitting techniques with the skills of five makers and fine yarns, &Daughter excels in exceptional knitwear that’s made to last.

&DAUGHTER

Ava Argyle Wool Cardigan

&DAUGHTER

Ribbed Mélange Wool Sweater

&DAUGHTER

Ava Argyle Cashmere Scarf

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I Actually Feel Calmer and Clearer After Trying Out ‘Soft Life’ Brain Boosting Habits

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Let me be clear: I'm so over productivity culture. Call it my autumn slump, perimenopause or just a general ennui, but self-optimisation is over, as far as I'm concerned. I'm done being the very best version of myself at all times: I want my life back.

And I know I'm not alone. My social media feed has been flooded of late with anti-hustle posts extolling the virtues of a so-called ‘soft life’, and I have to say, I'm totally here for it. Gone are the 4 a.m. wake-ups to work out in perfect co-ords before your 9 to 5, and in their place are gentle countryside walks and steaming cups of tea.

Honestly? After a long, hot summer and a hectic autumn (back to school hits hard, no matter how long it's been since you hung up your uniform), I could do with any excuse to take my foot off the gas. I'm notoriously poor at making time for myself—with three demanding children, a dog, ageing parents and a job, I'm in that classic ‘sandwich’ stage of life where everyone (and I mean everyone) needs something from me.

I'm also not ashamed to admit that I can be hugely influenced by the online content I consume. So, when confronted every millisecond with over-achieving, glossy, capable women, I'll admit—I can feel like I should be planning every single moment of my day (and night).

The upshot? I get super stressed, and then I'm hit with that inevitable vicious cycle of feeling too frazzled to actually be productive, and berating myself when I fall short.

The idea, then, of taking a more holistic, self-centred approach to life is appealing. Would adopting a soft life mindset and practising soft habits (we're talking romanticising the everyday, unplugged mornings, protecting boundaries and so on) help me feel calmer and more in control of my emotions? You'll have to keep reading to find out, but while you're here, do take a look at our guides to the antidotes to optimisation culture, whether dopamine menus actually work and the psychological sigh—plus, find out how one Health Writer got on when she tried 5 types of energy healing, here.

Soft Life Habits Are Trending This Season, but Can They Really Help Me Feel Calmer and More in Control of My Life? I Put Them to the Test

What are soft life habits?

If your algorithm isn't yet serving you soft life principles, listen up—we think you're going to like this.

“I think of a soft life habit as anything that helps us live our lives with a bit less pressure, and a little more enjoyment, in a more gentle way,” shares chartered counselling psychologist, Dr Kirstie Fleetwood Meade. “It might be protecting time in your diary, moving your body because it feels good rather than to punish yourself, setting boundaries, or making time for things you genuinely enjoy.

Despite the glossy Instagram aesthetic, it's important to note here that a soft life doesn't mean giving up or not striving to improve, grow and achieve goals.

“Deliberately choosing ease is not the same as giving up,” notes nutritionist and women's health expert Eleanor Hoath. “A soft life habit is a small, repeatable choice that lowers the load on your nervous system instead of adding to it. It isn’t about doing less with your life. It’s about living with less friction.”

Soft life habits may include (but aren't limited to) the following:

• Waking up a few minutes earlier
• Romanticising your everyday: this might be making a cup of tea in your favourite mug, lighting a special candle, or slipping into your PJs at 4 pm.
• Treating your body with love
• Resting without guilt
• Doing nothing.

@thrubellaseyes

♬ original sound - Bella Moreno

What are the benefits of soft life habits?

It's all very well seeing prettily curated reels on the 'gram, but do these habits translate into any real-world benefits? In a word: yes.

“The idea of embracing a soft life taps into something many women recognise: the never-ending pressure to hold everything together, look after everyone else and somehow keep achieving at the same time,” says Dr Fleetwood Meade. “I think the soft life idea is appealing because it's giving ourselves permission to do things differently.”

1. They can help to reduce stress

“In physiological terms, soft life habits can move you out of ‘fight or flight’ (the sympathetic nervous system) and into ‘rest and digest’ (the parasympathetic nervous system) more often during the day,” shares Hoath. “Most of us spend far too long in the first state and far too little in the second.”

Studies show that being stuck in a fight-or-flight loop is damaging for both mental and physical health, contributing to an increased risk of depression, anxiety and even heart disease.

“Making space for rest, pleasure and connection can help us manage stress and feel more present in our lives,” agrees Dr Fleetwood Meade. “It can also help us recognise when we're pushing ourselves because something genuinely matters to us, and when we're doing it because we feel guilty, anxious or not quite good enough.”

2. They can regulate daily energy

How often have you started the day with a raft of good intentions, only to run out of steam post-lunch? Us, too—but cultivating a soft life could help here.

“Embracing soft life habits can help contribute to steadier energy throughout the day,” Hoath continues. “A healthier cortisol rhythm (high in the morning, tapering through the day) means fewer afternoon crashes and less of that tired but wired feeling at night.

“In turn, this helps us to sleep deeper, too. A nervous system that has wound down properly falls asleep more easily and gets more restorative sleep.”

3. They encourage self compassion

“As a psychologist, what interests me about this trend is how it challenges the idea that we always need to be doing more, achieving more or pushing ourselves harder,” Dr Fleetwood Meade muses. “Hustle culture, or the idea that we need to be constantly bettering ourselves, has been a dominant narrative for a long time, only made worse by social media.”

As such, the idea of cultivating a soft life is allowing us permission to rest without guilt and to be more compassionate with ourselves about our needs, too.

@victoriamorsew

♬ growth - Gede Yudis

4. They help us enjoy the present moment

If you're craving a more mindful, intentional life, soft life habits are a great place to start leaning in.

“When we're constantly in 'doing' mode, we can lose touch with ourselves: what we're feeling, what we need, what our values are, and what we want from our lives,” shares Dr Fleetwood Meade. “We get so focused on the next task or responsibility that we stop noticing how we're feeling, what we need or what we're actually enjoying.”

Put simply, it's our chance to stop and smell the roses.

5. They support overall emotional wellbeing

Emotional health and resilience are vital for overall wellbeing, and tuning into soft life habits can really help us to shift our priorities back to things that nourish and support, rather than drain, us.

“Simple changes, such as setting boundaries, taking regular breaks and making time for activities we enjoy, can help reduce feelings of overwhelm and support emotional wellbeing,” explains psychotherapist Kamalyn Kaur. “Although the term itself isn't a clinical intervention, many of the behaviours associated with this trend align with established principles of psychological wellbeing.”

6. They allow us to make space for rest

“So many of us are used to putting ourselves at the bottom of the list, telling ourselves we'll relax when the work is done, when the house is sorted, when we've reached the next goal,” shares Dr Fleetwood Meade. “But how often are we saying to ourselves; we'll just get through the next few weeks, and then it'll calm down, only for things not to calm down. Because the list never really ends; If we don't make room for rest, and make conscious choices to do things differently, it won't happen.

“We need to recognise when it's time to pause, soften or pull back. If we're always overriding tiredness, ignoring our needs or telling ourselves to just get on with it, we can end up exhausted and disconnected from the things we're working so hard for.”

@nanadelbiz

♬ original sound - Nana Del Rey

Why are soft life habits trending right now?

So, what's behind this sudden explosion of soft life content? Put simply: it seems we're all fed up with over-optimisation, and we're searching for a simpler, calmer life.

“I think there's a growing sense of exhaustion with hustle culture and the pressure to constantly optimise every aspect of our lives,” agrees registered psychologist Dr Carolyne Keenan. “We've spent years being told we should be doing more, achieving more and somehow becoming better versions of ourselves.

“The soft life trend offers an appealing alternative. It suggests that perhaps we don't need to earn our rest, justify our enjoyment or measure our worth by how busy we are.”

But it's not all just a hustle-culture backlash. In recent years, our emotional literacy has improved massively, meaning we're now openly discussing (and challenging) a range of wellbeing myths.

“Nervous system literacy has gone mainstream,” notes Hoath. “People now talk about cortisol, regulation and concepts such as rest and digest in everyday conversation. They have the words for what they’ve been feeling.”

Unsurprisingly, the internet loves the idea of a soft life, and the hashtag is garnering thousands of views on socials.

“Social media has also helped popularise the concept of a soft life, although there's an irony in turning a movement about doing less into another lifestyle we're supposed to aspire to," Dr Keenan continues. “I suspect part of its appeal is that people are beginning to question whether being constantly busy is actually making them happier or actually just making them tired.”

Hoath agrees, noting how normalised burnout has become. “The hustle and girlboss era told a generation that exhaustion was the price of success. Many women are now living with the cost, and they’re questioning the deal.”

@fromdinawithlove

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How to weave soft life habits into your day to day

While there's no perfect, universal way to embrace a softer life (what it looks like will vary from person to person), if you're not sure where to start, the experts agree: this is less a radical life overhaul and more intentional tweaks.

“Start small and think about what would genuinely make your day feel a little easier, rather than trying to create an entirely new lifestyle,” advises Dr Fleetwood Meade. “That might be taking ten minutes to enjoy your morning coffee without checking emails, going for a walk without feeling the need to count your steps, or saying no to something you don't actually have the time or energy for.

“It might also look like leaving some space in your diary rather than treating every free hour as an opportunity to squeeze something else in.”

I tried embracing soft life habits for two weeks—and I can't believe the difference in my stress levels

Week one

As the beginning of my soft life habits trial approaches, it's clear that I need it now, more than ever. My Oura ring is telling me my HRV has levelled up and my resilience is down, so it couldn't have come at a better time.

Day one, and I start off by lighting one of my favourite candles (one of the perks of darker mornings, surely?) as I start to potter in the kitchen. With three children and a dog, this scene was not quite as romantic or relaxing as it may sound, but it still felt like a step up from squinting at the big light at 6 am.

And my next soft habit? Leaving my desk for lunch, rather than absent-mindedly scarfing a salad as I type. This also meant I benefitted from a post-prandial stroll, too, which we know aids digestion—two birds, one stone.

Across the rest of the week, I tried to stop rushing from task to task (something I'm hugely guilty of), and deliberately took more time out to breathe a little deeper even in my busiest days. But the biggest change, for me, was noticing when I started to feel tired in the evening, and acting on it.

Usually, I'd override the impulse to sleep and crack on with those chores that really need to be done (dishwasher, washing, it goes on), but this week, I tried to get all the mundane jobs done earlier, so when I started to feel sleepy—I knew it was time to wind down.

I've never really been one for a wind-down routine, despite being well aware of the benefits (reduced stress, improved sleep quality, to name a couple), but this week, I allowed myself to ease into bedtime, even finding time for an LED mask, which I'm certain my skin will thank me for.

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Week two

Of course, it takes longer than two weeks to create a habit that lasts (research estimates that habit formation takes around 66 days), but by week two I really feel like I'm easing into a softer way of life.

One of my favourite soft life habits? Small, sensory joys. Lighting a candle first thing in the morning while waiting for the kettle to boil, stopping to notice the changing leaves on my weekly run rather than fixating on pace (a huge one, for me)

“Small sensory joys tell your body it’s safe,” shares Hoath. “A good way to incorporate this is by adding colour, not rules. A soft life is about pleasure as much as rest. A colourful plate, a warm drink you love, flowers on the table all work.”

You don't have to tell me twice to make a cuppa, let's be honest.

As for my Oura ring readings? Well, I'm a star student. My resilience has blasted through the roof (or so it's telling me); whether this is down to the habits themselves or simply taking a little more time to focus on what makes me feel good, I don't really care: I'm taking it as a win.

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DIPTYQUE Tubéreuse Scented Wax Candle

The first thing I do on a soft life morning? Light my favourite candle, which will forever be Diptyque's tuberose scent. It's not cheap, but the scent pay off? Well worth it.

Adanola Oversized Hoodie

Nothing says anti-hustle quite like a cosy hoodie, and we'd wear this Adanola one day in, day out, given the choice.

Kaweco Classic Sport Fountain Pen

As a writer, I find putting pen to paper incredibly soothing. There's also something wonderfully retro about actually writing notes. From thank-you cards to shopping lists, everything is nicer when it's not done hastily on your phone notes.

I feel like I'm failing at the soft life trend. Am I doing it wrong?

“I think one of the biggest traps is turning the soft life into another thing we feel we have to get right,” says Dr Fleetwood Meade. “I think the intention is the opposite of that—you don't want to feel you're failing at yet another thing if your life doesn't look like the ones online. 

“You don't need to buy anything to live more gently. Plus, a soft life doesn't mean avoiding challenges, giving up on ambition or making sure everything feels comfortable all the time—it doesn't have to be a binary, black-or-white choice. The idea is more about recognising areas where you could feasibly take your foot off the pedal a bit, push a bit less, and connect to some more enjoyment for you. 

“It can be helpful to interpret the soft life with a flexible approach—knowing when to challenge yourself and when to give yourself a break, knowing when to lean in and when to step back. It's about being able to work towards something you care about without sacrificing your wellbeing in the process.

“Essentially, I'd encourage people to think less about what a soft life should look like on Instagram and more about how they want their actual lives to feel. We don't have to spend our lives proving how much we can carry. Sometimes the most helpful thing we can do is put something down.”

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I’m a Mum of 3 Who’s Spent a Month Using Expert Hacks to ‘Fix’ My Sleep and Energy—So, Do They Work?

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As a mum of three, including a two-year-old who still wakes during the night, I'm used to broken sleep. But even before I had kids, I've struggled with insomnia, and I've tried my fair share of ways to fix it over the years.

From over-the-counter supplements to countless bedtime routines, if it promises to improve my sleep, you can bet I've given it a go. But with so many sleep aids now at our disposal, it's hard to know which ones (if any) actually work.

It turns out I'm not alone in my quest for some decent, regular shut-eye. According to research published in The Lancet, insomnia affects up to a third of adults worldwide.

With everything from sunrise alarm clocks to sleep trackers and magnesium promising to be the fix, I've dipped in and out of plenty of them over the years, but never properly stuck with any to see if they really work.

So, over the course of a month, I committed to testing the most popular sleep aid interventions with guidance from leading sleep experts to find out if any of them could be the answer to my prayers. Not only that, I wanted to know whether improving my sleep would translate into more daytime energy.

Keep scrolling to find out if I discovered a magic fix, and while you're here, check out our guides on how to improve sleep, how to get to sleep, insomnia treatment – plus find out how other health writers got on when they tried the Huberman 'Sleep Stack' and a 10-minute daily habit.

I Spent a Month Testing Popular Sleep Hacks—Here's What Happened

Do Sleep Aids Actually Work?

Before choosing which sleep aids to use for the experiment, I turned to the experts for their take.

“Some sleep products can be helpful, but I think we need to be careful about believing we need them in order to sleep,” Kathryn Pinkham, founder of The Insomnia Clinic and the Sleep Well & Live Better online course, told me.

If, like me, you're already anxious about your sleep patterns, sleep trackers can actually do more harm than good, says Kathryn. “I’ve seen people wake up feeling fine, only to become anxious after their tracker tells them they’ve slept badly.”

This is echoed by Dr Maja Schaedel, Co-Founder and Director of The Good Sleep Clinic, who points out that although trackers can help us understand our bodies, they’re not helpful for anyone who struggles with sleep regularly.

“This is because they increase focus on sleep, which often tends to make sleep anxiety worse.” Not only that, the technology isn't always accurate. “They are less good at being able to interpret what goes on during sleep,” Dr Schaedel adds.

There's even a term for becoming fixated on sleep-tracking data. A 2017 paper in the Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine coined the term to describe patients who became fixated on their sleep data and achieving the 'perfect sleep.'

So, which sleep aids do the experts recommend? “My absolute favourites are the sunrise alarm clocks,” says Dr Schaedel. “I think these are such a lovely way to wake up and a great way to help our circadian rhythms, as light is the main way our brains understand what daytime is and what is nighttime,” she says.

Dr Schaedel says eye masks and earplugs also have their place, especially where noise and light pollution are likely to disturb sleep.

And supplements? “I’m cautious about supplements such as magnesium,” says Pinkham. “The evidence that they significantly improve sleep is limited, particularly for people with chronic insomnia.”

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How Can You Improve Sleep Naturally?

So, while sleep aids can earn a place in your routine, the good news is you don't necessarily need them to improve your sleep.

As Pinkham puts it: “The more products and routines we rely on, the more complicated sleep becomes.”

That was reassuring to hear, and it helped me understand which simple habits I could build into the routine, rather than relying on sleep aids alone.

1. Wake up at the same time every day (including weekends)

I'm sure I'm not the only one who's guilty of this, but when you've had a late night, or haven't slept as well as usual, sticking to the same get-up time goes out the window. But if you're serious about nailing a healthy sleep routine, it's one of the things the experts advocate for.

“I’d recommend getting up at roughly the same time each morning, even after a bad night, to help regulate your body clock,” says Pinkham.

2. Spend less time in bed

It's easy to think that you need to spend more time in bed trying to catch up on Zs. But Pinkham says one of the most effective things you can do, particularly if you’re struggling with insomnia, is the opposite.

“We build up something called sleep drive throughout the day, a bit like hunger,” she says. “The longer we’re awake, the stronger our appetite for sleep becomes. Going to bed too early or spending extra hours in bed trying to catch up can weaken that sleep drive and actually make sleep more difficult.”

3. Don't force sleep

One thing you absolutely shouldn't do is lie awake trying to force yourself back to sleep. Pinkham suggests leaving the bedroom rather than lying there frustrated that you're not asleep. “And avoid checking the time, as this often starts a cycle of worrying about how much sleep you’re losing,” she adds.

4. Build a good wind-down routine

This is where I often get stuck. Once the kids are in bed and I have some time to myself, I don't always prioritise a good wind-down routine, and I'm guilty of staying on my phone or laptop longer than I should.

Dr Schaedel says protecting your evening is key. “I tend to find a good wind-down routine, including keeping active, keeping boundaries around work and relaxation in the evenings and not taking too many naps or lie-ins, can be the most helpful way to maintain sleep quality,” she explains.

5. Write down anything that's bothering you

If you find all those things you didn't tick off your to-do list popping into your head at 3 am, you're not alone.

Pinkham suggests spending 10 minutes writing down what’s worrying you before you go to bed. “If you’re anxious about not sleeping, ask yourself what you’re actually afraid will happen if you’re tired tomorrow. Often, addressing that underlying fear can take some of the pressure off sleep.”

@sanne

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My Month-Long Sleep Experiment

Weeks one to two

By now, I've sussed out which pre-bedtime habits can make my insomnia worse (scrolling on my phone in the hour before bed and drinking caffeine after 4 pm, to name a couple), so I entered the experiment determined to avoid them.

I'll be honest, though, I failed miserably during the first week. I went all-in – introducing a sunrise alarm clock, tracking ring and sleep mask at the same time, alongside a stricter bedtime routine. But focusing so much on whether I'd see any changes only increased my anxiety, and I struggled to even get to sleep.

I don't usually wear my Garmin to bed because I've learnt that seeing the time or checking my sleep data after a bad night doesn't help. I used the Sekonda Smart Ring, which was more subtle than a watch, but knowing it was there kept me focused on my sleep, just as the experts had warned.

At the start of week two, I took the ring off. Knowing I wasn't going to wake up to a sleep score meant I wasn't lying in bed analysing how I'd slept, and I found it easier to judge my night based on how I actually felt.

I already take magnesium before bed, and I kept it up throughout the experiment. But hearing the experts explain that there's limited evidence that it significantly improves sleep (particularly for chronic insomnia) made me question whether it was doing much at all. Still, it's become part of my calming bedtime routine, so I don't think that's a bad thing.

I was keen to add an eye mask to my routine because even the smallest sliver of light will wake me up. While I can't say it improved my sleep, it did the job of blocking out any light, and I liked how it helped me switch off from distractions around me.

The sunrise alarm clock, on the other hand, was an instant hit. During autumn and winter, I struggle to wake up when it's pitch black outside, so the gradually brightening light felt so much gentler than switching on my bedside lamp.

Rebecca felt more rested and enjoyed gentler movement, like walking or yoga, to perk herself (and her energy levels) up. (Image credit: Rebecca Lawton)

Weeks three to four

During the second half of the experiment, I focused on the habits recommended by the experts. Having a consistent wake-up time was pretty easy to stick to, as my kids usually act as my alarm clock anyway.

The biggest challenge was waking up in the night. I tend to check the time and start worrying about how tired I'll be the next day. Pinkham had told me: “We check the time, calculate how much sleep we’re losing and start worrying about tomorrow. This creates alertness at exactly the time we’re trying to relax.” So, when I was still awake after 20 minutes, I took my Kindle downstairs to read until I felt relaxed and sleepy enough to go back to bed.

What made the biggest difference wasn't any of the sleep aids I'd introduced; it was a question that Pinkham asked, and something I'd never really thought about before. “If you’re anxious about not sleeping, ask yourself what you’re actually afraid will happen if you’re tired tomorrow.”

I realised that, while I may be tired, I'd always coped in the past. That simple shift in perspective helped me worry less about being away, and I started falling back to sleep more easily. I even started wearing my ring again, and as long as I didn't fixate on checking it, I found the data around my sleep interesting rather than stressful.

So, did my energy levels improve? I wasn't exactly bouncing out of bed, but I did feel more rested, even if it took me a little time to come round in the morning (although the sunrise alarm definitely helped). I also made an effort to get my steps in on days when I'd usually run but felt too tired, following Dr Schaedel's advice to try gentler movement, like walking or yoga. Often, it was just what I needed to perk myself up.

My Verdict: Do Sleep Aids Work?

What surprised me most is that I'm not necessarily sleeping for longer. Pinkham told me that progress shouldn't be measured purely by how much sleep we're getting, but by our relationship with sleep. For me, that's exactly what happened. I can honestly say I worry less at night, I've stopped clock-watching, and I know I can cope if I do have a bad night's sleep.

Of the products I've tried, the sunrise alarm clock and eye mask have earned a permanent place in my bedtime routine. I'm still sticking with the magnesium too, but ultimately, it's the free and slightly boring habits (and that one simple question) that have made the biggest difference.

Shop MC UK Approved Sleep Essentials

Mini Restful™ Sunrise Clock Air Purifier Midnight

Both experts place a sunrise alarm clock as one of the few sleep aids that can be useful as a way to help our bodies wake naturally. I used this BlueAir one, which doubles as an air purifier, and you can choose from a range of soothing sounds to wake up to.

Sekonda Smart Ring

I used the Sekonda ring to track my sleep. It's one of the most affordable smart rings on the market, and I was impressed with how much data it can track aside from sleep, including cycles, stress, and fatigue levels.

Drowsy Eye Mask in Midnight Blue

I didn't expect to be so impressed with an eye mask, but I can see why this is a cult favourite. The silky finish makes it unbelievably comfortable, and it blocks out light completely.

Why do we wake up during the night?

Waking up during the night is normal. “We all wake briefly between sleep cycles, but good sleepers tend not to notice or worry about it,” explains Kathryn Pinkham, founder of The Insomnia Clinic.

Stress, hormonal changes, alcohol and getting older all play a part. But it's our response to being awake that makes it difficult to get back to sleep.

“My advice is not to check the clock, and if you’re lying awake becoming frustrated or anxious, leave the bedroom for a little while and return when you feel sleepy again,” says Pinkham.

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