That Life Style Show: This is how to have a less perfect, more happy, Christmas

Wednesday, 18 December 2019

This is how to have a less perfect, more happy, Christmas

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Author Chris Ward says it is possible to have a happy and contented Christmas - and not feel you have to achieve something perfectly first

Words by Chris Ward

Christmas is coming. Are you feeling anxious? Do you feel pressure to deliver the perfect day for everyone? Purchase glorious gifts? Host in a home that looks ‘just right’?

Perhaps you are also taking on this pressure alone, working and thinking about it all hours, unable to delegate because you can’t trust anyone else to do it as well as you.

Please stop. Brew a cup of tea and read on. Christmas can be relaxing and contented.

But before I tell you how, let me say that you are not alone in wanting Christmas to be perfect. Millions feel the same. So much so, that there is an epidemic of people who feel they constantly have to prove themselves good enough. This personality disorder (obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD)) is characterised by extreme perfectionism, order, and neatness.

Unfortunately, Christmas lunch offers the lure that you might be able to prove you are good enough – in front of your whole family.

Never-ending pressures from social media, advertising and schooling also contribute to an adult’s obsession of proving themselves worthy, even though humans were never born to be perfect. The obsession makes us appear uncaring, and we may struggle to relate to each other as we drive on, but underneath we are all a maelstrom of emotions and could even be suffering anxiety and depression.

So, how do we reign that back in? How do we to have a less perfect, more happy Christmas, and going forward – enjoy that feeling for our whole life?

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Firstly, try to think why you may believe this about yourself. Understanding what the reason is for your pursuit of perfection will enable you to start overcoming it. It’s a longer process to fully overcome (as detailed in my book), but for the time being, this will enable you to park the OCPD over this festive break – and understand it is unlikely to be anyone’s fault but the fault of a world that now demands perfection as the base line. And that is impossible.

To quote the BBC, ‘many of us believe perfectionism is a positive but researchers are finding that it is nothing short of dangerous, leading to a long list of health problems – and that it’s on the rise.’ So, don’t try to have an impossible Christmas. Host the one that is now possible, one where each of you can relax! … (and, even better, allow those around you to relax).

Put relationships first, see others’ points of view. Compromise, and sometimes – very occasionally! – admit you could be wrong. Let others do their things their way, and understand that happiness comes from what’s already inside your head and around you, and not from a perfect Christmas dinner that you haven’t yet achieved.

If you can believe you don’t need to prove anything to anybody, by delivering an impossible Christmas, you will be able to enjoy the one that’s already right in front of you – beautifully imperfectly happy, just waiting for your presence.

‘Less Perfect More Happy’ is available on Amazon and in all good book shops friendfulness.com